Furious & not-so-Fast.

It was this evening, after 6 and we were having keropok lekor when that little devil suddenly got into her usual annoying mood. She started to do the thing she's best at, annoying people to death. I snapped at her. Giving a fuck on her face as if I wanted to punch her. She already cried and yelled and turned real mad. I got my Asar done and got out of there. I rode out fast, and not even slowed down to give space to cars going against me in that small road. I sped up, as fast as the old engine could, but it was only 90 kmph, the most. But I still enjoyed racing through the traffic as my anger burned inside, not even bother to turn the signal lights on when turning. Velocity was the only thing that could cool the anger down at that moment. I continued further to Bukit Kuang, till I felt I was no longer too angry, and then started to make it back to town. And I must've looked so weird, what with those working people on their way home and me in my floral-patterned shorts and sandals. I only worried about the old bike's condition, not that I wouldn't go even further if it was a new and faster one. I rode slower-about 60 kmph, my normal speed-as I was on my way back. And I took the longest road I could to home as I tried to make it late enough for me to get there. Yea, velocity was quite helping in soothing the fury. If only I had a faster two-wheel. Ugh.

Bowling For Soup

And yea, it WAS wet. It was raining just lightly when we were on our way to the Mall. For anyone who doesn't know yet, it took 30 minutes. Must be shorter time for a newer and faster motorcycle. Shit. But whow, how we enjoyed ourselves there. We played bowling and pool and enjoyed checking on girls next to our lane. Haha. Got to know their names too, thanks to the scoreboard up above our heads. Then paid for a karaoke room to sing songs. I mostly sang out of rhytm and we screamed the songs. Barely singing. We did some shopping too. Okay, it was just window shopping. I didn't bring enough money. Didn't HAVE enough money, for crying out loud. But still it was quite fun and enjoying. We then started journey back, after hours there. It wasn't raining just yet, and my hind tire was kind of a bit flat. It was then, while we raced to the gas station, the rain got suddenly heavy. I was soaked, and how I hate that. But nothing worse happened, so I was relieved and successfully made it home.

Carefree Age

Ugh. It was a restless day yesterday. I barely had a sleep. Nearly 4 dreamless hours. Then, Azrin's call woke me up and he made me go out with him to his friend-well, it's kind of mine too-and there were few other girl friends there. I didn't really know what they were up to but then they-we, actually, but I was with my motor-went cycling, I'd got no idea of joining them but then decided it was okay. Uh. A bit fun it was. We, Azrin and Faiq and I, also hung at Faiq's place. We had enjoyed ourselves recalling our times in primary school. Yea, the carefree age. About teachers we loved and hated, silly games we used to have fun playing, troubles we were punished for, yea, it had been a real fun in that school. Everyone was still small and childish, and not thinking about those burdening, maddening homeworks. It really was a precious time and I'd say I'd give anything to live it for just one more time. And we'd also planned to go to the Mall today. It was raining just now and it seems like today is going to be wet. I should be ready now. Hope the plan's still on.

Don't let growing take away our precious childhood. Keep what's good to keep people together.

The Reunion

I guess I've got nothing much to update, since the 'helping-in-wedding' part, except for today's-no, it would be yesterday, I write this at 3 p.m.-activity, that 'reunion' at the fastfood restaurant, A&W. Had been hearing about the reunion plan from Azrin, he's always the one who's so eager to remeet old friends. Okay, so I kind of like that, too. Got to hear responses from those SKSK's friends in Facebook-oh, thanks to Facebook we got to contact each other-and had expected about 20 participants. But then, 6 of our boys and 9 or so girls went there at the restaurant. And I got to meet again with the fierce and loud prefect, Aminah. Haha. It's weird of how I had thought about her recently. Just crossed mind, you know. All of us then also took pictures together at the big clock at Padang Astaka, like some funny tourists. Two of them had moved to Kuala Terengganu so, I wonder if they took that big clock as a statue or something. Like it was National Statue or something big like that. And I'm shocked. Tonight. I tried to connect the Internet and it worked, after ages it'd been in deep slumber. Aaa~~~

Isle Esme

And so I was helping a friend, Reza in his sister's wedding. He'd requested me and some other friends to help, and to be somewhat they called 'crews'. I don't know if I was a help but with estimated number of guests of five thousand, I think I was. It had worked me a bit but that didn't really matter though. At least I've got a new experience. Helping in people's wedding. Despitefully, I don't think of doing it again. Enough with once. And actually, I write this about 10 days later from the entry date which is today, Tuesday, November 22.

'Selamat Pengantin Baru'? Hah. Yea.

Epilogue - Choice

It's still cold. I've quite enjoyed the last Raya Haji so much then. Having cousins around, teasing those aunties, making fun out of anything, yeah, it was all good. I think I like going back to village and I should do it more. It's better than getting trapped here, of course. And I find it's pretty easier without Streamyx working at home, though. I just don't have to sit in front of that computer all day long, watching stupid people in MySpace and getting bored at their faces. As I said, routines changed. Have been watching Korean dramas out of the boxset CDs with my sisters, finishing those bloodsucker-versus-giantdog books, sleeping, eating chocolates... Damn. All those sound like what any other girl does. But really, I'm still who I am. Holidays doesn't change me. Why would it? Bla bla bla.

Eclipse.

The damned Streamyx ain't working well for me recently and I hadn't thought of going to cyber cafe to satisfy my need of surfing Internet. Well, there's nothing much to post though. It's been nearly 2 weeks I'm stuck home dead. Cold days, and no one wanting to do anything with me. Yea, that's why. Not that I really care about that now. I've got the books to distract me from feeling bored so, yeah, I think I will survive. And my routines have completely changed now. Get up only when sun's up on head (can hardly see it now), eat breakfast (if there's still any), read, bathe, read and so. It's been too cold I only have to bathe just once a day. Heh. I don't smell that bad, though.

Rest in Peace

And the cold, dark days have finally come again this year, just like past years, though it's going to be one of the darkest, unforgettable days ever. It's the last Thursday, when we were awakened by a call from village, news of Grandpa getting sick. While all in rush packing things to get back there, a second call rang, and he'd gone. It was rainy that day and that made things move a little slow since the house compound was sunken by water, almost knee-depth. It was really crowded then, with relatives and all. Some were mourning, some were composed. And it really bothered me to see adult crying. An eldest cousin then had encouraged - more to forced - me to be in there to represent the late's grandchildren while they were bathing the deceased. So I got in and watched them, who Dad was one of, clean the body, from the beginning to the end of the process. It's the least I could do anyway. Yeah, it was my first time and it wasn't that creepy, like I'd thought it would be. Too bad to see Dad cry, though. But Grandpa looked so peaceful then, face and body still, pale. And I'd kissed him, too, when everyone did that and someone, again, had encouraged me to do the same. I hadn't done this kind of things before but yeah, it was Grandpa, it's okay then. The rain stopped when we got to the graveyard, yeah, quite a blessing for us, things easier. So it was done and all. But there were things that I didn't feel very right of myself. I did feel sad but I just didn't shed any tear of sadness of losing him. Some people had noticed that and asked me. I don't know. I'd cried for stupid little things but not for this. And too, I hadn't contributed a lot of helping people run the funeral. How awful. We were already back home again on just the second day, as we were threatened by flood of our home here. Now everyone seems to recover from the losing and I'm here again, stranded, alone from mates, left inside. It's only the books that keep me from getting bored to death, it seems. Twilight Saga: New Moon's done and still on Eclipse at the moment.

In memory of,
AWANG B. ISMAIL
1933-2009

The Old Empty Box

Their poisonous mouths keep talking, making this family crisis no better. I choose to stay shut, and just pray, for I'm still young and I just don't want to know anything about it. I've got my own problem to think of anyway. Not really a problem though. It's just me being left home. Lonely, empty these days have been. Maybe they, those mates, don't mean to do that, I don't know. I don't really have a good vehicle though, so I think it's okay to be left. I must learn not to expect them coming here to pick me up anymore. Haha. And we're having wet days lately. I caught a flu, too. n.n *cough cough
Things move, with or without me around. And with or without them.

Tiada lagi tunggangan malam.

Stop Exams, Save Trees

Yeaha. End of exam. There are still Sivik and PJK, okay, it's considered exam has ended. Nothing but goodness comes to my way. Have been hanging over at Alan's place, his parents aren't home for Johore. HIS MOM requested me to stay there, okay, thanks. That's it. Theehihihi...

NO EXAMS=LESS PAPERS=MORE TREES=MORE O₂=BETTER EARTH=WE'RE SAFE.

Stop exams, save lifes.

Earth Report 2008

Got out, like usual today. And I've found a new prank to do when I rode with Momos just now. Shouting at people! Heh. I got my visor down, and screamed at girls walking alongside the road, the ones on motors and kids cycling. Haha. It was fun. And stupid. And fun. And bad. And fun. But I'd never choose oldies nad big guys and aunties. Uh. No guts.

Little Bali

Had a sleepover at Puyet's place on the night of Thursday. And of course, it hadn't been a real sleep when there were mates around. PlayStation has played a big part to our pleasure. Went out late for supper, good, though. And it was Naqib's last night. Slept at 4, so it was a tiring day with the motormates. Just got back from Cherating. Thought there were Hujan for their 'Mencari Konklusi' Tour, but it happened to be just tonight. No chance of it then. Missing my nice warm bed, even when some people here ain't so lovely.

Sonnet 18

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? You are more lovely and more moderate: Harsh winds disturb the delicate buds of May, and summer doesn't last long enough. Sometimes the sun is too hot, and its golden face is often dimmed by clouds. All beautiful things eventually become less beautiful, either by the experiences of life or by the passing of time. But your eternal beauty won't fade, nor lose any of its quality. And you will never die, as you will live on in my enduring poetry. As long as there are people still alive to read poems this sonnet will live, and you will live in it.

Sick Sister II

I let it out, after keeping it quiet inside. The sick elder sister got mad about our little neighbor who didn't want to let our little sister borrow his badminton racquet. They're just kids. Why must interfere? She then talked madly to let the parents, with me there, know about her disapproval. I was on telly and I raised (whoahaha...), arguing her actions and some sort of defending the little neighbor, and all the people she had condemned and criticized. Yea, she got a bad mouth. Her job needs her to deal with people, and that makes she find a lot of sick ones, and everyone is wrong, for her. So we argued with Mom and Emperor around. And I got really satisfied, seeing her mad of me, now, for complaining about her. She wrote in bulletin board, "I hate my brother." It's definitely a pleasure, sister.
And yeah, the exam has started today.

Strawberry Fields Forever

They say, in high school, girlfriends become enemies, enemies become best friends, and best friends become girlfriends. How thoughtful.

I laugh whenever I feel nervous. I laugh after sneezing. I laugh when tears come streaming down my face. I laugh when people mock me or when they get annoyed with me. Haha.. and so I laugh.

I remember a question from a friend in that MySpace, asking, "What do you want for your 16th birthday present?" She asked that publicly and there were few answers, I don't remember what but, the best gift for me would be an answer of what I'm going to be in future. Of course there's no one can foresee the future. No other than the Knowledgeable God.

The Motormates

Yesterday evening, after that 'P' training session, I followed Momos to the graveyard. He wanted to visit his late grandma. Seeing the tombstones and walking amongst them made me feel scared, not of ghosts or living dead, but of death. But then, with the cool breeze and shady trees, the place somehow tranquilized me. It was really peaceful. There was no other sound else than ours and I kept thinking about my death. Think I should go there sometimes. Alone's better. Okay, so today I've passed the test with Jabatan Pengangkutan dan Jalan, I guess that's what JPJ means. Just have to wait for a few couples of day, and I'll get that troublesome 'P'. Good then. The thing is, my motorcycle that I've been riding on is quite old, slow and shaky, I'm not so good with that. And I'll never ask for a new one from them. That's a real childish thing to do. Never mind. Let the motormates leave me behind. It's good to be alone, and slow, sometimes. And yea, I still can't find any weakness in this confessional blog, sis. Not saying I got none but I'll try to look all over again for it if I have time someday.

Marriage of Figaro (Unreleased)

And so I'm here. In the top of health. Just like usual. I've got 'L' about 2 weeks ago and currently in process to get a 'P'. I'm enjoying my licence. That's why there's a big gap between this post and the last one. You know. And I started to adore Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Ludwig von Beethoven so much after watching 'Beethoven Virus'. Ha ha. Ha. So I've joined an application game, 'Bloodlines' and signed in using that Ludwig name. Bla bla bla. Oh fuck. Frozen mind.

Siaran Tergendala.

Internet at HOME is barely working nowadays. Hope it wouldn't last long, though. So I'm not posting anything, not till Internet, at HOME, is back fine. Pretty damn sure I got lots to post then. Heh. I'm at cyber cafe right now. Oh fuck I hate to pay to do something I love. Never mind.

Salun EksotiKata

Currently on "Stay" from Estrella. A beautiful song indeed. Singing it all day long. Heh.

Sound straight from the twilight
Has me up all night
I can't fall asleep
'Cause I keep thinking of you
And I saw a shadow
Outside my window
And it's you
All my sorrows flew away
Hush.. keep quiet and hear me say
I don't ever want you to stay
Off my way..

Uhuk. Uhuk.

"I find that pencil is a magical instrument. It turns hidden things to be visible. It turns sounds in my mind into words on paper."

A cylindrical wooden stick with graphite inside it. Used to create masterpiece in the form of writings and drawings.

Wrecked Machine.

And yeah, Qilla's back online. Look, I'm not going to hide anything from you. We're back messaging each other, totally as friends. Or more than that. A big sister to a little brother. She's 20, you know that. There's nothing to be uneasy of. Heh. Maybe you're just fine wih that. Maybe I'm the one who takes it too serious. Just don't want you to get it wrong. Okay, enough of this. This is Captain speaking, we're not going down. Loose yourselves from that tight seatbelt. Everyone is totally fine. Our plane's flying great. Tooshh...

The Upside-down Strawberries.

Saturday, 3rd October
For the Parents
Bashir Caesahar came to my place to discuss something about AddMath. We too discussed the points to be used in debate, though I wasn't his teammate. Then we off to MohdCopieserv to copy few pages from AddMath exercise book as what pregnant Yusliza had told us to. Then Caesahar and I went to his place to work for the debate points, again. It was raining at about 10, and when the rain had finally stopped, I got home, sent by him.
The Ugly Truth
I texted Momos early that night, telling him not to come to fetch me to town, as the Emperor and Empress had nagged to me for outing too much. A little scold it was, for I'd gone out from 11 a.m., up till near 7 p.m. early in that day. Then Caesahar came, and I pretended to be studying with him. For about 15 torturing minutes later, I told that good fellow to send me to Momos. Then Momos, Puyette and I off to town to check out on the PC fair. I did go to the stationery shop for the AddMath copy things. Off to Bistro at about 9-thirty. And the rain poured. The phone rang for about 2 or 3 times, sure from the Emperor. The rain stopped, we started getting home. Sent Poc Henge's MP3 that he told us to buy for him and Momos sent me back home inconspicously, not to let the waiting Emperor know that it wasn't Caesahar, who had probably fallen fast asleep back in his home, that was with me that night. Emperor didn't scold me, thankfully. He just said few things and I was safe in my bed. Fewh. I hate long story but I prefer details.

Gran Turismo

Yeah. Life's been great these days. Stayed at Ayoppan's place last night to 'keep his company' while his parents were not home. There were 7 of us, having fun till the dawn broke. Sneaking out to Bistro, playing PlayStation, watching MTV, surfing Internet, mostly on those stuff, yeah, great night. Didn't even sleep at all. And early this morning, Momos and I, without taking bath, off to Monica Bay, as what Bashir Caesahar and the other 'motormates' had planned. Oh I love calling that place with that name instead of its original one. At the beach, they played guitar and sang along songs, vandalized the seaside ground with silly stick-sketched words. I wasn't wearing Sandy's astronaut suit or Patrick's floral-patterned shorts okay. And got back home, tired and sleepless, after a treat at that finger-lickin'-good restaurant. And by the time I write this, I just came home from Dinnie's Diner for dinner, with Momos. We had same orders. We're not gay. Fuck why did I tell that. Life.

Berkejar kuda besi beroda, meredah pekat malam gelap.

New Head Protection.

Hey sisters. You're shit. And I'm sick of your shits. No point of babbling like a mad girl, stupid. Think you're bold enough, go clear things up straight on their faces. You're shit. They're shit. Nothing makes us all different. We're all just the same. Stop it. I keep things going easy by keeping my mouth shut. Coward? I don't know. Silence is golden they say. Sorry. This is just how I think.

---

I talked to her today. She has just survived from a car accident. To be true, I've been feeling tired, and sick of girls, I don't know why. I've always thought of people saying that before. Now I believe it. Girls are sickening. Not that I'm surrounded by many, it's only one, yeah, you. You're not that bad. You're good. Don't worry. I have nothing to be proud of, and that makes me really appreciate your existence. And talking to you again today, knowing about your little accident, have made me worried about your condition. So then I know, I still want to be with you. Definitely. And please let me know what you think of me. Just don't avoid me after reading this, will you?

Kembali.

Salam. Kami kembali ke ruang elektronik. Selepas lebih kurang seminggu tidak ke udara. Kami baru sahaja kembali dari daerah Dungun, kampung kami. Berjaya mengutip hasil beberapa puluh Ringgit Malaysia lagi dari ibu dan bapa saudara tersebut. Ringgit Malaysia, bukan Dolar Amerika atau Pound Sterling Britain. Memang terasa bagus. Talian Internet juga sudah kembali pulih seperti sediakala, kelihatannya. Dan mungkin juga anda tertanya-tanya kenapa kiriman ini ditulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia. Kami sebenarnya baru lepas melawat laman jaringan Butterfingers dan sedikit terpengaruh dengan gaya penyampaiannya yang mengutamakan Bahasa Malaysia. Mereka bagus. Oh. 'Kami'. Tidak mengalami sebarang gangguan mental. Bukan juga dwipersonaliti. Tidak sesekali. Sesekali, mungkin.

Bergelut bersusah mencari kata, bahasa ibunda senang dan sukar.

Butter Late Than Never.

A'msickaufalltheez seeckeninshitz. Ouffte Denmork.

Absolutely Definitely.

Whow. It turned out to be a happening Raya for me. Heh. I've been outing, no, it's Raya tripping, to friends' houses for 3 days in a row. Moondie, Twist-day and Weddingness-day. What with those weird names, I don't know. Well, kind of enjoyed the days riding with the guys under the hot sunny weather oh fuck. I mean, it was good. We even went to Cherating and Kemasek. Whow. That's quite far, in two opposite directions. Lame. But hell it was still great. And worthy. I hadn't expected for Duit Raya, as for my intentions, and only, was to meet them and check out how they were doing and have fun but oh gratefully, one envelope after another got into pocket. And I love it when my wallet gets fattened. It smells nice.

"Ho'zyoknie? Wellefit'ztillged A'dlyke tebreckitfoyea."

Eid the First

Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. It lasted for just few hours. Or less. Then here I am, alone, again, home. Can it be called 'home', with no one else here but me? But that, doesn't really matter. Here is where I feel safe, undisturbed, contented, everything. Okay, fine. It would be just good to get out of here, sometimes. Maybe tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, or the day after it.
Whenever I have the men.

"So, you guys enjoyed Raya?"

Last Breakfast of the Year.

So, it's already Eid. Okay, Eid's Eve. There's nothing much I can do now, except regret that Ramadhan has ended. It's been a lovely fasting month, I don't know why, I just loved it. Maybe for the food. And truthfully, I don't think I'm really into celebrating Raya like others. Well, maybe I will, but right now, it doesn't feel like there's a big day tomorrow. No. I Muslim should be happy for it, as well as be grateful to have it without any difficulties, hardships like some people do. And so I'm alone at home now, the rest gone to their aunty's house, gathering for cooking, having fun, whatever.
I'm looking forward to having next Ramadhan.

Island In the Sun

Yesterday I got a card from you, yea, thanks. I was afraid Emperor might know about it. Heh. He asked a few, and no more. Last night, I got into that room again. And suddenly I became weird. I don't know. I used weird words, minds arguing between to hate them and to be friendly. Not to mention I've always been that way before. And today, I didn't go to school, again, for the practical class for the licensing. I'm not sure about the way I spell lisence. Okay, that seems right enough. Oh, no. 'Licence' is for British, 'license' is American. No wonder I always doubted its spelling before. And there's another thing. I do really feel suck right now. I don't know why. Do you?
Wow. I just need to write it and swoosh it's gone now. I think.

How do people define normality and sanity?

Soundtrack - Island In The Sun by Weezer

1.2 mg of Idontgivedamn.

"Don't go out tonight. Your mom got really angry last night. Do you hear me?"

Yes. I did. What, do they think I'm still their little kid? Now, I don't think I know what I really am. Haslina, are you a freak lesbian? I'm just an over-protected 12 year-old girl. I can't go out at night, I can't stay out late, I can't do anything with those mates. Whow. I love to be home. I love to get trapped with these flies around. Yea damn I love it. I think I know how they think. And I don't blame them for being over-protective. But what's the point? I damn know how to take care of myself. All I'm asking for is a little more freedom. I just don't know what's wrong with you people. Do I sound like a stupid rebellious teenager? Damn me if I do.

Hit&Run

All of a sudden, I'm feeling a little too exhausted right now. Can't breathe enough air. Every inch of my body is aching. Feels like there are some enormous arrows striking upon me. Maybe it's because of fasting. But I blame school for that. Damn. There are lots of undone works waiting to get done. Like I'm going to finish all that anyway. I really want to be here, but the bed somehow seems much too appealing. Fight. Fight.

---

This happened on last Saturday. They had a gathering at my uncle's place. After breakfast, I sped all the way back home. Unfortunately, there's this area where the lights were all out. I hardly saw anything and then skreet.. dang! I hit a cyclist. As for my selfish and panic reaction, I just sped away from him. He didn't even fall though, I witnessed. But then I was home, alone and sweating hard, panicked trying to fix a small damage to my damn motorcycle. And I did feel guilty. I still do, believe me.

Resignation Letter.

Dear readers,

Hope you doing fine. I don't give shit if you're not. I'm still on my vacation, enjoying stolen non-school days for these few days. Since the school re-opening after the one week holiday, up till now, I'd been there for only two days. It should've been four, if I was a good student. Hell freezes over. Well, seems like the same would go for this week. Maybe less. Not that I bother. And don't trouble yourself telling me what's good for me or what's wrong with me.
Till I write again, get your asses out of here.
Ciao.

11. Waiting for Daybreak

Damned fool. Or simply a weird lazy guy. I wrote my quote in 'Pasca XM' post on my Physics paper. But then Fairuz, the young teacher read it. She somehow loves to tease, no, embarass me. She passed my paper to the class to read it. And yea, everyone did. Fuck'd? I don't know. Fairuz added, "I love marking his papers. There's always something he got on it. It's creative." Yea right. Want me to say 'thanks'?

Snouck Hurgrojne

nama timangan :-
Friends call Kay. Not Gay. Family; Abang. The only son maa. Some might call Kai or Kaer or argh.. call me anything you prefer. Don't think you know me just because you know what I'm called. Erk.

anda seorang yg :-
Weird. Shy. Weird. Funny. Weird. HARD TO UNDERSTAND. Eh?

lagu kesukaan :-
Currently on "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane, of course.

food kesukaan anda :-
Makanan berbuka puasa.

sikap yg membuatkan anda stresss :-
Pansy. Bitchy. I don't know. Maybe demanding? Haih...

bende yang mesti ada dlm beg:-
Bag? I don't bring bag to anywhere except to school. Got rubbish in it.

warna kesukaan anda :-
Black, mostly. And yea, other colours as well, depends on the combination.

kali terakhir anda menangis dan mengapa :-
I don't remember when. It was because I dreamt of hitting my sisters badly. And I dreamt that time to time. Yea, I sob in sleep. It's good, you should try it I suggest.

Pasca XM.

There you go. The nice and short break has passed. And here I go living the old boring school routine again. Ah~~ Shit. It's always been shit, now and then. And yea, the exam. I've got few papers today. History and Add Maths got over my expectation. It's good, I feel it. But yea, that'll never make me happy in school. Uh.. I'm tired of hating school. Please.

"She said effort is equal to result. I doubt that. How did I get 37% when my effort is 0%?"
- Physics

23. The Angel

The trip yesterday was tiring. And good. Emperor's RM100 got burnt for a worthy pair of jeans and for the busses' and taxi's fees. Only RM100. Thrifty? Well, I didn't want to spend much, though. Yet I've enjoyed watching people and stuffs. Yea, it was good. And I'm currently on reading Twilight. Few chapters left and I'll be done.

Gema para jemaah mengalunkan kalimah suci, mengaminkan doa imam kedengaran seperti guruh ditiup angin sejuk petang mendung.

The tasteless piano.

Reloaded Cash

It's RM160. It's just RM160 they say. Not worthy. Good enough for me. Met friends there, of course, lots of them. But there's one. The last time I saw this one for real was ten years ago. Ha.. shit. I still remember the name and the face, not to mention I always think of it sometimes. A good pretty. Not mine, forget it.

Find that shit, find my seat.

Hybrid Theory

Fuck'd. Everything's been messed up. I don't know what ruined them. Nothing but shit loads. The plan going to the Mall, it happened, but not as I hoped it would be. I did go, but with the parents. Do I look like their little child? I don't know. But to be true, I gained something good in Dungun. A Hard Rock Cafe shirt. Nice one. And today, I should have been going to Kuantan, and yea, something has turned to shit and here I am, still in my little bubble. It's alrite. Just plan another, and get going, tired and hungry. It's Ramadhan's eve, I hope I'm all ready to go through it.

True headbangers don't headbang;
they take it as their lullaby.

Saturday
Keane - Somewhere Only We Know
Do we have that kind of place, gurl? Where only we know about it. I'm getting old and I need somewhere to spend my time with you.

Carefree

Nothing but goodness. Exam ended quite well, and think I survived unscratched. Went to eat at KFC with those friends, it was cheerful and loud with them all teasing themselves. And I enjoyed the cheezy chickaroni for my tummy. It was all fun indeed. And now I'm looking forward for tomorrow, of course there's no more of school, we're going to the Mall. Can't wait. Hope the plan's on. Whatever.

"Sebarang kerumitan sila tanya cikgu di belakang."
- Fairuz, Physics' trouble.

205

Feel so good, even when I'm in the exam these days. Chemistry was killing, but I tried to take it easy and walk out with no injuries. Hope she wouldn't get angry with all that. But History was quite easy I could go through it without any pain. But ah, the papers didn't really matter to me. What does matter is, the letter from Yayasan Terengganu. But that, still doesn't bother much. I just want what I'll get from the letter, the money prize, for getting straight A's. Err.. heh. And an old mate, one of the two from the Cold December Days, called and we went out this evening. Of course, we cycled, just like always. Haha.. Few outing plans for this exam-end, and I wait for nothing else but the exam to end.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude with all the answers. I just didn't wanna leave the spaces blank."
- Chemistry, Chapter VII

The Sound Machine

And it's exam again. Sorrow days of life. Heh. Fuck'd. But that no longer bother me. There's exam or not, I'm just the same. I can't help being helpless. Can't be helped. Hey Monkey, don't get frustrated. This is our nature. Hell yea. But what I just read from the site next to mine, has made me think about what its writer and I will go through. Are going to get through. She's trying to focus in studying, that's good, but still she's somehow down with us not being able to communicate without me having phone. Hah. Sounds like trouble. Is it? Sorry but I ain't regretting anything but wanting to stay loud and close to you. Nei phai leh babuk yek. Remember that. What the hell does that mean, Monkey?

---

"He's been modernized; hunting for chances but still he's from us. He gets cursed to frozen, for believing there is a better world than just inside the village. Nonetheless, he's not what the elders think he is."
- a d i d a s s l e r
si tenggang's homecoming

Mr. Lincoln's War

Don't worry. I'm alright, thanks all. Just done The Lawman Said "I Do" by Ana Leigh. It took me one day to finish it. That's not the matter, though. It was loaded with sensual, or better said sexual. Haha.. It would be pretty weird ashamed to know the sister read it too. How would she think when she read the sensual parts? It might be, Abang read this too, he must've gotten horny by it. I've always thought about that when I'm on some English novel. Ah, they don't bother much, they've never bothered actually. Yea, never mind. But the story has made me want to know better about American Civil War. Discovered some about the Confederacy, the Southern army, against the Union from the Northern states. Johnny Rebs versus Billy Yanks. Haha.. enough of that. And I'm gonna have my sleep in my bed, my own bed, this night. After many, many weeks it was abandoned. Heh.

It wasn't guns killed him; it was beauty.

Tagged?

What's your favourite

Food
Anything goes with chocs, raw nuggets
Drink
Sprite, Iced Milo, ice-blended. Eh?
Shirt's brand
Muller!
Jean's brand
Levis? Lee?
Watch's brand
Swatch, Bell&Ross. Hate wearing it anyway.
Accessories' brand
Err.. any bangle and ring would be fine.
Shoe's brand
Adidas and Converse-like, kot? Heh.
Bag's brand
Currently wearing from Adidas.
Place to hang out at school/work
Dalam koperasi, depan koperasi.
Place to hang out instead of school/work
Anywhere the ride takes me.
Website
MySpace, yea, lame. This blog, Haslina's, Wikipedia. Heh.
Movie
V for Vendetta, Enemy at The Gate, Hollywoodland.
Actress
Err..
Actor
Dwayne Johnson, Adam Sandler, Robert Redford?
Song
Anything from Coldplay and the Strokes
Singer
Um..
Band
COLDPLAY, THE STROKES
Book
Novels. Err..
Writer
Um.. ah, yea.
Magazine
Kreko, Utopia
TV channel
I don't watch TV. Haha.. TV3, 8TV, no Astro.
Sitcom
Ah, that one.
Drama
Prison Break, Heroes, Burn Notice, NCIS, and that XY guy. X-Files?
Reality TV
Beauty and The Geek. Haha... shit.
You can't live without
Heart? Internet. And Sunshine, part of.

Meeting Point: Main Gate

Whow. I runescaped from school yesterday. There were lots of questions. 'How are we gonna do that?' 'How if we got caught?' 'Where do we go now?' and so. Along with 4 other 'inmates'. Haha.. But then we were left 3 of us, and walked to the town. Yea, like other typical school-escapers, we went to shopping complex and cyber cafe. It was truly shit you know, to see people around looking at you with different look on their faces, just because of you wearing green pants and black school shoes. Damn. But still I had fun with them. Heh. I did all that because I'd do anything not to be in school. Even if it might be little bit too risky. And today, is another non-school day for me. Having lala too much last dinner, made me suffer a sudden terrible tummy-ache along with headache. Perfect. I wouldn't have to go today for having it last night. Still it's doubtful to Mom. Sorry.

Paranoid of getting caught. Running and screaming.

Wallplug magazine II

Tired. Got up at 9 by a call from my uncle telling me to help him out on wiring. Again? Damn. It's my cousin's soon-to-be-house anyway. So, yea, that'd be just fine. But I didn't get enough sleep, yea, for I always get up at 12 and above when it comes to non-school days. Fucked. I got brainfreeze now, for taking iced drink, or not getting enough sleep? I don't know. I should be going back to working this evening, as what I was told, but hell I just wanna sleep and get rested here. Please.

You didn't pay yet. I'm not a worker. Want me working, talk nice.

Dark Day's Eve

Urm, had dinner just now. A family dinner. Heh. 7 of us around the table, it was good. Chatting, teasing Aifaa with her story, and laughing loudly. It's not always we got time for that with shift-working Dad and Aifaa, and yea, it is truly good to eat, better saying, to be together like just now. I was stupid to say I'm uneasy being among them. To be truth, sometimes something can be really fucking, while the other times, they're just a precious, lovely thing to keep. Damn, I know being sentimental weakens me.

We got the same blood running in us.

Beast of Mt. Briggs

Found out that exam has been postponed to 16th August. It was such a waste to be nervous so early. And those mates told me, the discipline teacher mentioned my name in weekly assembly yesterday. Probably while I was here, home, reading Kreko on bed. Haha.. It was about me loitering and drinking at the wrong time and place. It's not that I did it alone, there's another mate with me. Ah, whatever. I was heaven lucky not to go to school yesterday or it would have been fucking embarassing. Fewh.

"The greatest man ain't the one with answers;
it's the one with questions that can't be answered."
a d i d a s s l e r
-Chapter VI, Nutrition

Wallplug magazine

The heroic fireman. The interpreter lady. The muted girl in costume. The street artist. And some costumed bad guys. The jobless boxer. The cold cashier. The cancer sufferer. The husband. And the raincoated boy. And yea, a sad movie.

---

Got up at 7 and bathed. It was quite late and I suggested to mom for me not going to school. They just approved it. Heh. But still gotta help my uncle doing some wiring. It's not a new thing for me though. I help him setting up the ladder, taking things, drilling some holes, hah, it's kinda pathetic. Yea, mom forced me to do so. Whatever, as long as I don't have to be in school, I'd do anything. But I found out that being up in the ceiling is such a good thing to do when you're bored. It felt so nice up there. And too, he let me drive his car. Yea I know it sounds fucking lame but still it's my first damn time ever. Stupid cool.

"Bu, can I have that Bosch driller set, too?"

Internal Security Act
A dirty instrument of the damn government to keep the Oppositioners down.
But yea, they fight against it and the Rulers get scared and use their fucking dogs, FRU to shut them up. I don't really know what harm the Oppositioners give to this nation. But why the hell am I so burning up to post this? Haha.. I might be caught and charged as well under accusation of spreading hatred against government among people. I don't know. Are we living in a fascist nation?

Heroic, soon-to-be-dead idiot.

Saturday. A call from Ayoppan saved the weekend. Heh. Yea, it did. Wasting time at his dark place, getting stuffed with those craps, gaming, uh, that's all. It wasn't really a splendid but yea, enough to be satisfying. Undone Add Maths works, tomorrow is Sunday, exam on next week, yea, those heavenly shits do make me feel uneasy. Ah, to hell with them. And ouh. I'm totally fucked. After few weeks leaving my dark cave, a big fat rat, its flesh sucked out, found dead, flattened. What a nice thing to get. Damnit.

Together we run the cart on the roof top, jackass!

Deer Creek, Idaho.

Ha.. yea. This is the third trying and I finally managed to gather few stuffs to write. Uh. Just done a two-day reading on "Wish You Were Here" by Diane Lani Rich, yea, I think that's the writer's name. Who cares. Was a worth reading, but yea, anything is worth reading to me, I guess. And somehow, it made me lost track on things, too. About school, damn I still hate it, that's for sure but, uh, just when I think I've got enough reasons to hate it and to be scared of it, this adds one more. Exam. Three weeks, eh fuck, it's ONE week from NOW!? Goddamnit. How the hell am I going to catch up things in Physics, Chem - I mean, fuck. I'll be failing them all again. Shit. Knowing that all that craps are going to be tough for me, but still not trying to get things clear, that's me. Damnit. Hey, I'm enjoying weekend here, I'm fine, really. Thanks for asking. But not seeing her ain't making me good. Well, yea, am missing her. Heard she's sick. Hell sorry for not getting any chance to text you. Ever heard of sick sun? That's sun eclipse. You'll be fine.

The four-lettered shit.

Eggs Party

Days are so easy if we got our works done. So do I. I'm amazed, by myself, for finishing works they gave to me. Not all, but it's pretty good for a beginner. Heh. Whatever. The most important thing, I guess, my hair is going to get cut. By me, or by them. And for some unknown reasons, MySpace can't be opened. Isn't that shit? Uh. Internet's just the same. Badly working. It's okay, just keep listening to Coldplay, still.

I hate it when the modem's blinking.

304th Down - "FINALE"

Listening to tracks in Parachutes. Wandering in blogsites. I wanted to keep on reading the comic, but there's an issue we missed, and skipping issues is what I wouldn't do. Collecting lyrics. Thinking. Breathing. Living a life. That's what I do today.
Quote of the day:

"Don't think you know me just because of my birth in this family. I live here but I got another home. A summer grassfield."
a d i d a s s l e r
-bored n' tired

It's not that I hate them. Sometimes, yea. But they're still my family. I got same blood, just like them, running in me.

301st Down - "Speeding"

House is nearly done. But I still sleep on floor. Never mind, I like it though. And I'm glad I'm back to reading Kreko again now. After half a year leaving it. I want to write more, if it's not because of these flies.

Chained to it. Can't stop reading.

Hope for a change.

We had a program today in hall on Isra' and Mi'raj and an ustadz came to preach us about it. He was funny and those students seemed enjoyed his speech. He told us about fornication and how we could get in it without knowing it. And the talk, somehow has made me realized about my sins, and it made me think, all the time, "Am I doing any sin right now?" Uh. I'm not any pious guy but I'm still Muslim. I think of repenting when I'm older, but what if I die earlier? Repenting. It's hard. But it's a must. Born in Islam, die in fighting for it.

And come not near unto adultery. Lo! It is an abomination and an evil way.
(Al-Isra’ 17: 32)

The Broken Wall

This house is under some renovation. It's been quite dusty this week and it has just been worse today; the toilet has been break-opened, to make a larger kitchen. Things are moved away and instead of disliking this, yea, I just love this. An unusual perspective of my house. Okay, enough with this home things. Ouh yea, I've been getting lots of homework lately. It burdens me. If only sunshine's here with me, to help me with these works. Heh. Dying here.. can you come please? =)

My head is playing same song everyday lately, Soma.

F 02

National Robotic Competition, Zone Stage happened on Monday, 7th July. It was all crap. But we did have some fun earlier in that morning, in the hotel's pool. Heh. It was like some sort of vacation for us. Good. We later managed to get the second place in Upper Secondary Open Category. Ah, whatever. Back home that night, few hours ago, actually, I got extremely mad of, err, I don't know what I was mad of. Ouh, what a pointless madness. I just need to talk to Haslina. She cures everything.

People get less. The world's passing by. As time moves, I'm still here, counting stars over my sleepy head.

NXT Program : Mozart

NRC. It gives me reason to skip classes. I didn't attend any class today for I was in that Robotic workplace. Didn't work much though. There's only one of us that really works. And the project, is far from over. Heh. School was quite crowded and no one took attention of anyone, I think. And yea, do remind this. I write what I feel, experience, and what I want. And I don't please anyone.

A fake piano made of Lego.

It's July again.

Mereka yang Tidak Bernama

tangan-tangan itu
seperti tidak punya wajah
menulis karya-karya agung
dalam perspektif mereka sendiri

tangan-tangan itu
membuat fikiran kecilku
tertanya-tanya
"Adakah mereka benar begitu?"
lalu kujejak tangan itu
menggeledah sejarah silam
cuba mentafsir
dan kurasakan mereka
memang benar begitu

lalu
aku cuba mengimitasi
gaya-gaya tangan
yang dicemburui
gaya-gaya fikiran
yang cukup membuatkanku
terpesona sendiri

namun kutahu
aku tidak mampu
untuk menggayakan tangan-tangan itu
aku cuma
seorang peniru.

a d i d a s s l e r
- yang masih bernama.

Cahaya Terang

dan malam itu
bukan seperti malam-malam lain
aku menjadi berani
membuka seribu rasa
menyimpan beribu harapan
agar malamku diterangi
agar siangku disinari
agar apiku dipadam
agar lautku dipantaikan
dalam sebuah pertanyaan
"Sudikah kau menerangi hari-hari gelapku, cahya?"
dan sebagai balasan
"Ya."
hariku pasti lebih terang
terima kasih, cahya
mengingatimu, mengingati soalan terbaik hidupku
jawapanmu, menyelamatkanku dari zaman gelapku.

a d i d a s s l e r
- hari-hari mendung

Home Prisoner

And this is it. Consequences from ignorance in studies. Heh. It doesn't really matter to me. Yea, and now I'm kind of being grounded. I can't go outting anymore. Or until they forget all these ridiculous days. I've been in my new class too. And I think it's going to be a boring class, without those WHO DON'T FINISH HOMEWORK. One more thing, we haven't talked to each other for quite a long time, or at least, that's what I feel. It feels like ages. She's missing me, and of course I'm missing her, to death. Hold on, I'll come.

To be blind.

Flying South
saat kita hampir terpecah
kuberdiri lemah
saat kita sudah pecah
tak terjangka kesan
tidak sekali ia jauh
namun tetap terkesan
mendorong jurang
terbentuk perlahan
antara pecahan daya
hasil usaha terdaya
hasil karutan atasan

Death of Dragonfly
dan pepatung itu
mengepak bangga sayap
sayap kebebasan
terbang tinggi fikirnya
lalu terperangkap ia
dijerat sawang
sarang duniawi
dengan sendirinya
ia bergelut berhempas
berpulas melepas
gagal
mati ia di situ
mati di awan khayalan

Is there any space left for me to breathe?

The girls picking cherries.

Students re-streaming. Some fly up. Some fall down under. It depends on how hard you've been working for. And I fall. I've known this from before and I wouldn't regret it. Hah. It's just I'm afraid of losing those classmates. The Ones Who Don't Finish Homework.

"People look dumb when they try hard in something they don't really know." -Dassler, Physics lab.

"We fly North this year." -Naqib, his desk.

A place called 'HOME'.

I've been outing with those mates for quite a many times. But parents, they don't really like that. And when I went out at night, they mentioned about not letting me out again. Uh. If only they knew where I went and what I did last night. In this case, we went to the mosque. And I'm not joking about that. Yea, I admit that I've been lying all this while and they don't know that, but why they were so hard to trust me that I didn't do anything wrong? I ain't their 7-year-old son anymore. I've grown. I don't wish to live on my own, I just want them to let me have a little freedom that I've never had before. Let me out from this parental cage.

Ain't a trusted son. Shouldn't be trusted at all.

Apples for lunch.

Life has been so great in this school break time. Getting escaped from Dark May Days, having a break from school, not seeing those teachers' faces, yea, those things are great. I had few outings with mates, old and new, heh, it was quite fun. And about her, us, actually, is getting better and better. We love each other but yea, I should have expected that many things can interrupt our relationship. Even the tiny ones. And on the very moment, I'm still thinking what has made her mad at me, and too, she mentioned something about losers. But THIS loser doesn't know what makes him a loser, and why is she mad at him.

Would you please tell me, girl?

School break has come to an end. Goodbye, hair.

Anthrax mail : Last Nite

It was 2 hours of sweetness being with her. Hours of paradise. She was so adorable, like usual. It brought back the memories of that night, the night I asked her the question. We talked, typed actually, teasing each other and she sulked and I ridiculously coaxed her, heh, it was a heavenly goodness.

There was a guy going to bed, closing his eyes shut with the funniest thing ever on his face; a smile, thinking of the girl he loves the most.

Live @ T in The Park

Well, I'm missing Lina, quite much. Haven't talked directly to her for quite a few days. Come here, please. Heh.

Julian Casablancas.
Albert Hammond Jr.
Fabrizio Moretti.
Nicky Valensi.
Nikolai Fraiture.

The Strokesization of me.
Listening and singing along.

Converse n' checkerboard.

It was like a chance to get out of this perfect boredom of being at home for holiday. Going to Kuantan with a friend, along with his family, didn't do much fun either. I guess. We had fun teasing each other in car and it was quite amusing. I didn't buy anything at all at the malls and I didn't feel like it. And I got to know something about his sister, and that made me shut-silent on the way back home. It was so annoying. Judgement at the first thought. Discrimination. I don't know.

"I'm scared of people with pimples."
"He didn't wanna reload my credit, he just wanted to treat me. He's thrifty."
"I don't wanna seduce you, I'm not into a guy with my brother's age."

Fuck off, I said.

All grown up.

Okay. I spent the early days of this holiday at Dungun. Then we attended a wedding at Kuala Terengganu, ah, wedding. So not me. But I decided to follow Mom because it was a wedding of my ex-neighbor. They used to live few doors away from mine and we were so good at that time. They were my playmates when I was a kid. A little kid. It was really a good time how we used to get along with each other, though I'm younger than them. Meeting again those good friends after 5 years, really made me like

"Oh shit. They've all changed now. All grown up."

Sunshine.

Some say they have reached their 'Moksya level'.
Some say they are freed from exam's imprisonment.
I say, bright days have come.
Grateful. Joy. Relieveness. Physics III, the last paper, it was quite easy but Add Maths, ouh, never mind. Forget all those papers, sickening questions, and enjoy these bright days to the fullest. Let these new things, plans for this holiday, fill up my mind. Argh, I can barely wait for the holiday.
Goodbye, school.
Welcome back, HOLY-day.

And Dark May Days has come to an end.

BLEEDING MASCARA

I thought she was just an adorable, quiet, and soft-mouthed girl.
I had just finished my Biology paper when the teacher came to me. She asked softly, whether I've cheated during that paper and I told the truth, with some twisted ideas. She was being kind for not taking the cheat sheet to testify me. Fewh. She's really kind. And I know the girl sitting next to me had told her about this. But I don't blame anyone for this. Really.
And the girl, she's not adorable anymore.

The mascara I've been wearing is bleeding the truth.
They know I'm fake.

Dark May Days

In The Last 60 Seconds.
When there's no way more to solve,
when there's nothing left to answer,
we'll rock on the papers.
Sketching, writing confessions on them.

Physics Paper II

YESTERDAY
"Fuck!"
"They're idiot!"
"Woo! Oy!!"
"Hell with them!"
I really wanted to kick someone. It was full of rebellious inside, thinking of doing harm to anyone, anywhere, a jerk, or simply innocent. It was burning, messed up with deep hatred to school, anything related to it. A fear, a desire to stop that nonsense, in a hard way.

TODAY
"The sisters are sick and Mom pays good attention to them."
"They look weak, helpless. Hate them."
"I've said something that made Ainaa cursed me. Um."
"If only I'm sick. It'd be better, to be given some extra attention."
"Never mind."
It's all gloomy, dark, and quiet inside me. Too quiet I can hear something's sobbing. I love this feeling. Forgotten and left behind.

Welcome to Ursa Luna.

Saturday. A perfect day for wasting time on Internet, MySpace especially. Or simply spending my precious time with her. But she's not online. Maybe she got works to do or maybe she's just having nice rest in weekend. She was like mad at me yesterday. Maybe it was caused by my 'goodbye' at the wrong time. She went away without a word, leaving me all alone there. Never mind. Maybe it was just a sudden DC. Hope so.
Sorry Lina.

Ah, I'd be happy to get on the Internet for the whole day, as usual. But with Emperor's warningS, it'd be so uncomfortable to do that. This iron bars can't hold my soul in anymore, but I'm terrified of the Emperor's walls. I hope he could spend more time at work, or anywhere else but not home. I know, I can't be a disrespectful son.
Sorry Dad.

The Last 60 Seconds

The exam has just begun yesterday. Like what I've 'planned' before, I'm taking it without any revision or preparation to load my head with answers. There's nothing in it. My head is not able to store big deal of data, boring ones, for more than 3 or 4 hours, maybe. *Enough rubbish talks, Monkey.
Read right before the papers are given, or
keep textbooks in the toilet, no, it's store actually.
Dirty job, I know. :D

Monday
"When is the exam?" Emperor asked.
"Next week." I replied.
"Go make revision then! Don't just watch the TV all the time, study!" A little scold it was.
"Ouh, okay.." I replied, still watching TV.

Today
"When is the exam?" Again, he asked.
"It's this week, isn't it?" Mom replied, without permission.
"Ouh, err.. yea.. they fast=forward it a week earlier, and it's today.." I said, with running eyes, trying to avoid Emperor's.
"I don't wanna see you using the computer again. Read books and study." I already went away with food.

Rush of blood to the head.

I remember dreaming about mom several days ago. It happened at my aunt's place, but yea, whereabout doesn't really matter here. My mom was some sort of being insulted, which I got no idea why, and the feeling of love to my mom came to me suddenly, and it was really strong at that time. Then I hugged her and cried like a small child in her lap. It felt so comfortable. I was sobbing in sleep and I woke up that morning, right after the dream, with sobs and tears. Hah. I love sobbing in sleep. And I want that dream again. Despite of her not-so-lovely attitude, I still love her and how I hope that she could hold me in her arms, in this real life.

Mother's Day means nothing to me. I love her every single day.

My heart beats hard. Blood rushes from it, to the head, to the lungs, and back to the heart. My head feels like it's gonna burst. Feel like fainting, going to pass out. That's what happens when I move or get up suddenly from my quiet state.

Judgement Days

As you can see, it's Friday. I love these Friday, Saturday, and plus a Sunday for it's gonna be a public holiday for Wesak, I think. But there's one thing that makes these school-off days mean nothing, but a waiting to sit in living hell, interrogated by reaper's questions. Hell, totally. Midyear exam, that's it. It kills. Like what I've been thru' since, ever, yea, I'll go to the battlefield, without shield, unprepared.
Hah. Dead or alive.

Save me,
Your warm hands break right thru' me,
I don't care how you do it,
But please stay,
I've been waiting for you.

Red scratch. A declaration.

I go to the party,
Where everyone is in their fancy dresses;
Striking and attracting,
I'm just in my bleached shirt.

I see everyone is happy;
Enjoying food,
Having warm and annoying chat,
I'm just quiet, tight to myself.

They all look at me,
As if I'm an inmate,
Some don't ignore me,
Some don't notice me at all.

I stand at the corner,
Cornered by their ignorance,
And I'm at peaceful,
A little lonely I don't hate.

-Adi Dassler, May Day

Mechanical Arms

Controlled by something.
Uh. 9 AM, mom woke me; aunt needed me to help her to move furnitures. Ah. They lived in quarters before and are going to move into their new house. Luckily, their unit is just on the first level. Carried a washing-machine, refridgerator, few cupboards, bed, and it wore me out. Weak and powerless. I can't raise my arms high for more than 3 secs. They're trembling, shaking inside. I won't be helping tomorrow. Let those still-sleeping-at-10 cousins get their part done. Hell. It's Labour Day today and I was an imported worker.
And I can't stop thinking about that girl, missing.

Step 1: White Cross

Ouh my, what a day. I was like living a 'normal' life back. Unpermitted absence, that's it. We skipped Physics, and it felt like we were young again. It's been nearly 2 months, since the explaination letter, and now we did it again. Heh. And I was quite a bad student, giving shits, hells, fucks to others, kicking and shouting at everyone. Hah. Feel like I no longer have what I must have to be in school; patience.
It was when in 4 EXC(alibur?) class (when all my classmates were struggling in Physics lab), I watched them playing with their Rubik's. Hell, I was amazed. Some of them completed it in just few minutes. They're quite geeks, but still, I truly adore the ones who can solve Rubik's in short time. "Dude, where you learnt this?" and he said "Youtube". Shit loads. And by the time I write this, there's another Window, loading Rubik's cube tutorial video, ha, and I've considered to get my own. I'm gonna buy it. Yeah.

I didn't skip class without purpose. I did it to get inspired to learn Rubik's. It's not that I'm proud of skipping classes, it's just I can't stand with studying anymore. I'm sick of this, but I'll be strong.

Staring the lonely skeleton.

For the first time ever, I envy those who suffer insomnia. Insomnia is likely a privilege for students, especially for Bios Logos students.
Hell. It was so boring being in Bio-lab today. Sitting at the front table (I was FORCED to do so), has tortured me in restraining my eyes to stay open. The female brute in front kept talking and talking about nucleotide and sugar and chemical and I didn't really hear what she said. If she had notice me struggling to stay awake, I don't know what would she say to insult me.
But I still got Lina, and she really makes me think that life is worthy. At least.
Ouh yea, the Black Book has begun, officially on last Sunday, 09.04.29.
And it is MINE.

RUBIK'S ³, a MIND-TWISTER.

Automatic doors.

Automatic doors have made me feel like Jedi.
When I was a kid, I remember being attacked by a rainbow monster, and it screamed with a weird and creepy sound. That scary thing showed up from that old black telly. Everyone was so upset but I was really scared and I ran away from the living room.
But now I know it was only a technical problem.
CAUTION! Any unattended child will be sold to circus.
My IQ is ^higher than the Prime Minister's.
Don't run, you'll only be dead _exhausted.
If you can run faster than this bullet, then try.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Don't know what those phrases are all about?
Don't worry. They aren't important.

The Company's black book.

Prison Break Season 4 Finale.
Why the hell did Don Self betray to them? No. He's not a betrayer. He's just working for another force, greater than The Company. He lied to the prisoners. They've been promised for a better life without more running, and that'll never come true. Haha.. poor. And Scylla, it's going to another hand.

Whow, I got another 'public holy-day' tomorrow. Those classmates are going to Besut to support one of them in debate competition. Well, I'm not into supporting anyone. I hate it. Truly. Just go and enjoy yourselves at the competition, shouting at other competitors and clapping hands at that good friend of yours.
Public holiday. That's the main reason I'm happy now.

The cards are just keys. Keys to Scylla. Keys to the black book.

Malaysian's most favourite breakfast.

I faked having tummy-ache this morning. It suddenly occured in my mind to do that after got up from sleep. It's all because of this day, Monday. Having Add Maths lesson on Monday makes me truly hate it and that's why I did this. And there's another reason. They got a fitness check-up at school so I think I wouldn't miss any important lesson today. Add Maths? It doesn't really matter, I think. I'll catch up with it later. Later. There are lots of 'later' in my schedule. Never bother to do anything early. Well, I'm alone at home today. Couldn't help playing around at neighbor's backyard. Guilty.

Sorry everyone.

The Recruit.

Everything is just a test.
Nothing is what it seems.
Finally, it's just a job.
And it's not about who we are.
We decide who we are.

A friend asked me about the meaning of LIFE.
It's not Looking Inside For Entertainment.
Life is about following the circle,
the flow of time.

Welcome to Dongmakgol

Today is Saturday. And tomorrow will definitely be another Sunday. They run in circle, passing by, going away, leaving us. And here I stand still, counting day by day, thinking about past, planning the future. It will come eventually, without any man could stop it. And I have to get in the flow.

Staying up late tonight for 'The Recruit'.

Welcome to Dongmakgol, where people know nothing about guns and bombs.

Need for Speed. Speed for fun.

It was at ease in school today. No pressure on finishing works. No boring lesson. No babbling mouth standing in front of the class. Spent half of the day, after recess, at the access centre. We were in joy. And yea, it was fun.

It's good to see your laugh again.
Thanks, lina.

"It's better to be hated for what we are,
than to be loved for what we are not."
-Kurt Cobain

A ride in a rainy day.

Hey there, my one and only reader. I didn't mean anything envy or jealous when I said I'm happy she got new love. I'm glad. Really. I know you'd think like, "he's jealous to that gurl, and what I'm doing here?" I hope you wouldn't think such. I was just expressing my relieveness because she no longer has nothing to do with me. She's still a friend, and no feelings thing.
I just want us to get back like before, if you want so.
And I know you do.

Is that you, Lina?
The one who's reading this?

Filter de Luxe II

She's one of the main players in 'February's End'.
And she has a happy ending now.
She got a new love, I think.
Huhu.. feel happy with this.

Main character?
It doesn't mean it got to be the princess.
It's not the princess.
It's a good friend of the poet.
And all I hope is she lives well.

Metaphore, all metaphore.
Directly proportional to reality.
Uh huh.

Filter de Luxe

I got my sunshine back. And it ain't just in my bag. It came smiling at me.
Ah, school and its people. Sometimes they're lovable, and most of the times they're just making me sick. Sick of the teachers, homeworks, and those fussy things. Well, I'm truly not a school-goer like others. Hate school but I couldn't do anything about it but keep telling everyone how I hate it. But I got to admit one thing. I know I would miss all this and only appreciate it when it's gone someday. So let just keep it shut, and go to school, get along with friends, feel nothing but happy. Hurm, sounds good.

Today's puppet show; Life in Technicolor ii

We're ionic compound.

Aha. It didn't last long. Whatever I felt few days ago, it all seems to fade away by now. No, it won't ever get off my mind, but for now, let just drop it. Okay. I'm back, I think. Let just be me, the one who I really am. The hard-to-understand one. Or simply understandable. I'm still what I was. Still me. Changed, but with same way of interpreting something. Way of thinking. Nah.. I wish I were a human back. Eh, I AM HUMAN. I never changed into a robot. Ah, whatever.

Hope she's here.
But I've scared her.
Can't blame her at all.

So long, Uncle Linden. Till we meet again. Ciao.

Robot.

Okay. Let's start with 'Why am I acting like this?'. As for the answer to that question, I don't know. I always find I being in this state of thinking. 'Uncle Linden's mood'.Remembering the past, feel like living it for once more. In time, I hate all that. It disappoints me I can't do it. Like people say, let bygone be bygone, or, past can't be repeated. Yea, it's true. Damn it for that. I hate I easily change. I've been changing since my mind started to plant new environment, new campaigns, and I don't know if I'm happy with that. I could say I'm flexible, but I know it's hardly close to that. I'm not flexible, I'm just changing. I wish I could erase memories for I hate remembering them. I wish I got no heart, so I wouldn't be sentimental and think this way. I wish I were a robot.

Automatic stop.

It's been ages since the last time I posted my entry. It's been hard to get online for the internet connection is going through some technical problems. Shit. If only I knew what it is. And so am I, going through hard times to contact those online friends. Till I write again, ciao.

EARTH HOUR II

We've played our part in Earth Hour. Mom seemed against this for the reason that she pays for the electricity used but she had to agree with us because Dad was so positive in this light-off campaign. And so we turned the lights off and enjoyed putting up candles and I hanged a beautiful lantern at the porch-front.

JUST 1 HOUR, 1 ACTION FOR A BETTER WORLD.
SWITCH OFF OUR LIGHTS,
AND WE'RE ONES OF MILLIONS OF EARTH LOVER.

I'm not longer invisible. The teachers seem to notice my long hair. It's a mess they say. Haha.. I'd like to keep it longer.

Group 18

And I don't know why I think I'd focus to my study. Despite of the unpermitted absences, I suddenly had a lovely nonsense thinking that Chemistry is intresting. Maybe it's because I got 72% in last exam. Haha.. glad to have that. And I still have that fear being in the same house with the Emperor. He's still not talking to me. Nevermind, it's good to be ignored. Uh. Ouh yea, I found something that makes me more intrested in Chemistry.
Lithium, Sodium, and Potassium.
They are Alkali metals.
Find the symbols.

Gretchen's still alive.

"Akukan saya? Buat apa gila. Membazir."

Yesterday, I smiled when teacher gave me the paper. I even couldn't help feeling funny about this. I was barely hiding my laugh. Back home, it wasn't like what it was before. I didn't talk much then. It was because father was upset with me for getting an F for Add Math. Whose father wouldn't get angry with that? Uh. I had my silent theraphy for the whole day. For the grade, I blame the lazyness so I wouldn't feel like a totally bastard. As for the fact, I think people's looking down to me, and there's a big gap between me and them. And nothing could make me feel just okay than thinking that there's someone who still doesn't hate me much for what I got. It's you, Lina. I need you.
Now, being on the Internet is a thief job.
I'm a slave of fear.
He's the Emperor.

I can't see the sunshine,
I'll be waiting for you Lady,
'Cause I'm through.
Sit me down,
Shut me up,
I'll come now,
And I'll get along with you.

It ain't any packed lunch.

Back to hell. With lots of undone works, no, ALL, I don't know what the teachers would do to me if they found out about this. Pray that they wouldn't. Good thing, no teachers noticed my long hair and those GREEN shoe laces. It's been for weeks and I'm invisible. Mrs. Fazilla's still demanding my explaination letter, and I'm gonna write one.

---

I've uploaded my photos to MySpace (for the first time ever) so Lina can see the real look of me. And for others, that's what they've been asking me for. Those photos aren't really for them, but it's especially for you, Lina.
*I'm not that good-looking, aite?
Haha..

A Walk After Midnite

Ahh.. sleepless. Went to bed at half-past midnight and got up at 0200. I've had enough sleep and the night is still too long. Got into Meebo till 0600 (current moment) and I think I'm going to bed again. Tired and bored. And yea, sleepy. Lina, how did you sleep?

---

And there you go. No one's home but me. Ibu, Abah, and Ima off to KL the day before. The sisters went to Kuantan this morning. And I'm left alone, with no humanity left in this house. Err.. It's gonna be a quiet day with just me and this black box.

A Yes.

And yea, I've got the answer. I didn't expect I'd get it by tonight. Well, thanks for the answer, Lina. You've made it as clear as I wanted. I don't know what would happen after this but I hope it'll be better, and more intresting than ever. We don't have anything more to hide from each other. Thanks for the crazy inner instinct to have such a wonderful idea of asking you the question. And there'll be someone who's gonna close his eyes, having the funniest emotion ever on his face; a smile, dreaming about kicking the white-horsed prince hell way outta the field. And, okay, enough for now. *Yawning

Earth Hour

Okay. I got no idea what would happen after this one entry.
I won't understand anything, and I don't want to. No more of those hard-to-get words, poetry, lyrics, or whatever that could bring this thing to another level of misunderstanding. It may sound silly, or simply disgusting, or just right at the time. I've wanted it to be straight and so it'll be.
Lina, a brained lass, a not-like-others girl, a good friend, a writer that I wanna read all her writings. I adore you. I want you to be happy. I want to comfort you with my companion. I want us to be like others.

---

Would you like to be my girl?

---

Simply yes or no. I wouldn't mind if the answer is no. The only damn thing I'm asking is an answer, a final word from you. And yea, I don't wanna force you. Take time, as long as you want, okay, maybe not so long, but be sure it's enough for you to know what do you feel toward this guy, a guy that has been hiding behind the tree, haha.. Ouh, I laughed.

Under the Dark Sky

I found out that school is actually a boring place. The new car turned out to have an inner damage. And I'm just alone at the field. Ouh, that's great. Yea, I don't have to understand anything. I don't have to make up for something. I am what I was. There's nothing has changed. There's no 'us'. Never was. Weyh, there's not even a castle in the clouds. I should've known that before. I'll just walk down the street, watching people, saying hye to everyone, hiding the misery beneath my skin. Or just laying on the grassfield, trying to lift the stone, away from my chest, alone and peacefully.

"And the white-horsed prince shall come to his knees at your feet,
But I am no him."

Verse 6 & 7, Into the Summerfield, February's End.

Still, I want my grassfield.

Beside the Cafeteria

It's like being in the school for the first time. It's like buying a new car for the second time. It's like going to the summer grassfield with her. It's a new start, for us, maybe, since she has already told me what she feels for now. And I feel like getting back what I've lost a few weeks ago. Are you saying YES, my Juliet? Can we let out the secret, making it as straight as we wanted before?
I'm in joy.
Are you, Lina?

Parents-Teachers Night

It's raining outside.
Cursed. Cursed by Morpheus. It's been 6 years since the last time I laid my eyes on her. She was so lovely then, and still is, I guess. And this morning, I dreamt I met her in her red dress. Oh, I got no idea why was that so. And for the rest of the morning, she kept being in my mind. Are you coming, Liyana? I don't even know why it has been like this lately, dreaming and thinking deeply about someones that I'd never meet. It's probably caused by over-sleeping due to school break. Ugh.. cursed.

Ill-met by Moonlight

Somehow, I think I wanted you to know this.
Reading her offline messages, telling me that she's missing me and asking if I'm so, makes me wonder about my feelings to her. Do I miss her? I don't know. Do you? I remember you mentioned that you felt uncomfortable after we told the truth to each other. And now? Uh.. honestly, I don't know what I feel, Qilla. But you do make me feel something. I heard that you've been sick lately, and I feel terribly sorry for that.

February's End, it still haunts me.

A magnet to play.

I wrote an article to a tabloid newspaper explaining about my complicated times with her and I got a call from her angry father telling me how sad his daughter was and I could hear her crying. She had misunderstood my article and she might think I hated her.

Okay, that was a dream. It happened this morning, and it made me woke up thinking about her. Ahh.. somehow, you still haunt me, Lina.
And oh, Epa's back home again, after 2 weeks at hometown taking care for Granny. Ena got half of her life back now. Haha...

Neighbour's Backyard

I'm not going to school today. And for another 9 days ahead. It's a start for mid-term break. Thanks. But with a plenty of homework to do, ah, I'm not going to do that anyway. Nevermind. Uhurgh.. feel so sick. Flu. Maybe a bath would do. I'm in my outrageous stupid sensation condition, still. And oh, I dreamt of Add Maths paper this morning and it awakened me. Was that a sign?

A Purple Textbook in the Toilet

"Atom is a sphere of positive charge which contains a few negatively-charged particles called electrons."
-J.J Thomson

"Om-mega, papa pia, mama gurl, sockee board."

Mrs. Fazila still remember my unpermitted absences in her classes. She asked me to write a formal letter to her if I wish to continue my Chemistry class. "Kalau saya tak buat?" One good thing. Exam's over. No more of those brain-squeezing questions. Feel like just escaped from an invisible cage. Nice.

END OF QUESTION PAPER

Various methods in PUNISHING STUDENTS

A lovely nonsense I'm in.
Stupid sensation I write.
A peaceful situation I want.

Do they give any meaning to you?
For me, they do.

Today's killer : PHYSICS

Scars. Stretch marks. Uneven skin tone.

"Kelas Memandu? Saya ingat ini Kelas Sepanyol."
-Patrick Starfish

Maulidur Rasul. Prophet Muhammad was born on this day many years ago. A meaningful day for us Muslims. But I haven't done anything regarding this day. Uh. Sleep and sleep and sleep. How I feel sinful.

A Refridgerator Full of Chocolate

"Wah! Sungguh berselera tetamu makan sehinggakan
kamera datang pun tidak dipedulikannya~~"
-The Narrator

Extended Math. It was hard. Hard questions. Hard for me. I wasn't prepared. Shame of me. That's normal. I'm sick of this. Stop it.
I'm not like what you think.
I'm even worse.

f(x)= answer.

Summerfield, I shall come.

INTO THE SUMMERFIELD
Had not I given the soft and sweet voice over you,
We would not have be like this,
For it has changed the sweetness of our times,
Into a spider web full of flies of misunderstandings.
You are destined to be flooded with sea of roses,
And the white-horsed prince shall come to his knees at your feet,
But I am no him.
I was born to be a secret lover,
A lonely poet,
Behind the tree full of carving of the past.

-Adi Dassler, February's Ending

Bios Logos.

Endoplasmic reticulum, centrioles, Golgi apparatus, ribosomes, and so on. Just what on Earth are they?? Apparently, they are just inside my body. They had me my best and I know where my best is. At the bottom of every bottom. Shit. I had my brain sucked out answering that fuckingly hard questions. It had been what I've expected. Ah, bother no more. :D

A Wednesday

Whew.. Today is public holiday for Terengganu for Sultan's gonna blow his candles, erk, whatever. A non-school day, a HOLY-day for me. Haha.. and tomorrow we'll sit for our first upper-secondary exam. Whew.. sounds creepy for those unprepared warriors like me. Uh. Revising? Sounds so not-me. I'll just read a few this and that then no more. :D Dad gave me a watch last night. Whew.. never heard the brand before but bet it must be a good one. He got that from a friend of his which he got it from Lelong.com. Fhew.. nice. i know I shouldn't have made this such a big thing, but I can't help it. :D

+Bell&Ross
+Limited Edition :D
+Aviation Type/Military Spec
+Stainless Steel
+Automatic Movement
+Water Resistant : 100m / 325 ft

MARISSA

It's already March now. Second March. I recall one of my thoughtful campaigns, MARISSA (Marchen Awaken Romance IS Striking the Asylum). Ha. It should be 'End of February' instead of 'Marchen'. It was really striking, driving me crazy, or at least, a little bit confused to death. But I'm glad it's all over now. Wuhuu.. whatever it was, it was hard for me. Let just forget it. Nice.

Ha. Naqib told me Mrs. Fazila (Fadzilla) the chemistry teacher, has found out about our class dropping, or what i refer to as 'unpermitted absence'. He was scared to death that she was telling us to the PK HEM. Whew.. and today, we got no meeting or punishment for it. Glad. And i just don't know how to undergo a full week without dropping any class. Ha.. dude, worrying too much kills freedom.

Angle in Marble

I'm currently on Angle in Marble, a story from Elaine Coffman. Enjoy myself reading it. Ha.

A FALLEN WOMAN
Tibbie Buchanan was a heavenly beauty, yet some still whispered about her sins. Her glorious honey-colored hair wouldn't stay hidden under her bonnet. Her drab dresses couldn't hide her alluring curves. Once she'd loved a man who'd ruined her. Now a gifted healer and herbalist, an angel to the sick, she swore she'd never surrender to passion again.

A BOLD STRANGER
Life on the frontier had taught Nick Mackinnon some hard lessons. Orphaned young, he'd left Texas to learn a shipbuilder's trade. Richer, lonelier, he came back to realize his dream-a seagoing dynasty. And now Tibbie was part of that dream. But Tibbie had loved before, had known the sting of betrayal, the burden of shame. She would flee from love and the man who ached to free her, the man who saw her imprisoned in the past, an exquisite.

"[Elaine Coffman] is destined to become a star!" -Romantic Times

Ogurenaii~~~

Ahh.. tired. Yesterday morning, we got back to the hometown for Granny is already at home. Then Dad and I went for home and reach here at 10 p.m, with Mom and the sisters still at Granny's. Whew.. And by the time I wrote this, I just finished attending course for my licensing. 8 hours!! Really tiring and yea, boring. But I'll give whatever it takes to get my bike license, yea!! Haha.. Whatever it takes. And now I'm all alone, waiting for the whole family but me, to get back here. :D

Soundtrack - Ize of The World by The Strokes

Is this it? The closing act?

This is it. Lina knows the truth, the complicated and hard one for me. She's really, if i can say so, down with this. She mentioned about staying away from me and forgetting me and all the times we spent together commenting, chatting, all those bulletins' comments, all, she's going to drop it. Shouldn't blame her because i know people hate once-had-to-be-good moments that are now gone. Ah, i don't know what i'm saying. Nevermind. In the other hand, Qilla, in her offline messages, says that she feels uncomfortable with all that happened lately between us. Between 3 of us. She doesn't want to get involved between me and Lina anymore. From the way she says, I can figure out that she thinks she has bothered, or interrupted my love-friendship with Lina, and she's going to let me start with her (Lina). But yea, Life ain't chess. We just can't take back our moves when we think that it'll bring us to lose. Now, I'm all alone.

The Puppeteer tried to keep all his important puppets stay balanced,
assuring they were in their best condition,
in a puppet show.
But he helplessly broke the strings,
and they are all gone.
Away from him.
And the lights out,
the stage has fallen,
the show has ended,
he is now left alone,
with no audiens.
Sadly, he realized,
that he is a puppet, too,
of his own play.

Lina, am I losing you?

Lina, after all that happened, i still hope we can be good frends and i don't want u to stay away from me. Reading ur coded post has made me feel like losing u. How do it feels when we lose someone special to us? Someone who really care about us? Someone that's so important to us? I don't want to know what it feels. I don't want to lose u. Lina, all the times we've been together, means much for me. Knowing u is one of the best thing ever happened in my lifetime. Truly, don't turn ur back to me.

Pasca Revealing

Ouh, 'great'. Mary knows about Swee for she has read my comments on Myspace. And she seems so angry, no, envy with that. I read her blog and she's extremely (if i can say so) anti with Swee. Ahh.. I don't deserve all this. I'm not even worth-fighting and no one should be mad or envy with anyone I like. Ahh.. truly confusing me. It's not that i don't appreciate that but Mary, u don't have to be like that for this good friend of yours. Anyway, Swee and I have back to normal except for now, we've known what we feel toward each other. Just let it be.

Today Puppet Show

Wuhuu.. it's all clear between me and Qilla. Quite relieved now. And i'll just let the rest to be what i call 'naturally-developed', or in simple language, wait and see. Ha.

Whew, Dad has registered me for motor licensing. Haha.. quite nervous about that but still i'm looking forward to have my riding license. It's a reward for my Straight A's result which i was ungrateful and feel nothing excited about that before. But now i know what the result can give to me. Money, fame, and even the license. Haha.. but no new motorbike. Ahh..

Happy birthday, Mr. Monkey

Ouh, almost forgotten about this little insignificant thing. I was born on this date, 16 years ago in Hospital Besar Kemaman. I just want to wish myself, Happy Birthday, Mr. Monkey.

*Got 4 wishes today.
1. A stranger (sorry, but who is he?)
2. Qilla
3. Haslina
4. Hazirah

Thanks for remembering, or at least, wishing me.
I didn't expect to get that and yet y'all have made
me thinking that there are still few people who appreciate me.
Arigatou gozaimasu.

The Truth Revealed

Qilla wrote:

"dear adi...
i know yg u try larikn dri dr i...
so do i..
but smpai ble kn??
here the truth...
i do hve tht 'feeling' t0ward u...
the way u talkin to me, i really like it..
ur thinkin ..jz same wif me..
i damn like it
...
since u ckp psl u suke gurl tu..
i twu u x suke kt i...
n,
i rse mmg ptt la i tarik dri...
kn?
wat pe kte nk pegi kt org yg xsuke kt kiter..
tol x?
papepun,
i sentiase d0akn u....
hepi n berjye all the time..

hmm...
be the best among the best k..
assalamualaikum
bye..
happy birthday..."

U're wrong then. I like u. And yea, i like her, too. I know it shouldn't have happened like this but both of u have been so nice to me.
Again, the same question, 'What should i do?'

Just a puppet on a lonely string

Got up at 3 in the morning and then i found the untold truth. The one i care about has some truth to tell me but she doubt to do so. It's bcause she doesn't want to mess up things for i have another good friend tht expects more than just friend. I don't wanna hurt any of them but i know that's simply hard for me. Should i just wait for them to tell me the truth (which i can clearly guess) or should i just ask them? It's really burdening me because they are so important to me. Huu...

Received phone call from an uncle told us bout our sick granny that's being warded.
Gonna visit her today in Dungun and praying that she'll be just okay.

Swallowed by the sea of uncertainty

Whew.. it's hard for me for these few days. Knowing an unexpected truth is just making me outta my mind. Shock, happy, afraid, everything, blends in the same bowl. I don't know how to react to this for i've never experienced it. Deciding is simply important yet too hard for me. There's more than one party i have to keep their feelings. What do they expect from me? No idea. Sorry if anyone's offended in this case but it's really confusing me.

I'm the puppeteer and my life is the puppet,
Yet i've broken the strings and everything's lost n floating,
Unreachable, unexpectable.

Bla bla bla

Okay. Still a fresh leaf i am. Way to go, dude! I'll try, no, I'll give my best to work on this blog at the optimum level (ckp per tu weyh?). Nehh~~~ I'll make sure that this blog ain't just another rubbish-filled site. It's about me n i'll do everything to get myself contented. At last, I have my own campaigns site. Haha.. yea, I love working on campaigns. Not like those elections, but campaigns on my opinion (i don't know the rite word to describe it), ah, whatever. Ding!

Kick-off!!

Whow~~~ Okay. This is my first post ever. Let's start with, 'Why do I start blogging?'. I start blogging because i love expressing my feelings (haha), or my mind's words which i refer as 'The Confessions'. I find blogging is the best way for me to do such thing. I'll be posting about what i feel, or my daily life, or anything that i want to say. You may find my posts are boring, hard to understand, or simply rubbish. And I don't give a damn to it. I'll be using fully-English lingua franca(?), or just the suitable words to say anything in my mind. Ok, whatever. I wanna thank to someone who moved me to go blogging, she is, oh, let's just keep it for myself. Ok, keep working, dude! Haha..