Heart Death

I'm not a serious person. Always trying to make fun out of everything. And that somehow makes me forget how it feels to be in love, or to miss someone; families or friends. I do have feelings, but I don't feel as komfortable to share it with people around me. It makes me vulnerable, somehow. And every time I say something about love, or any other feeling, people who know me, know that I don't say that honestly. They know I don't mean it and that I'm just being funny, and that's just what my intention is. It is a blessing, for sometimes when I'm being truthful as to what I really feel, they'll just assume I'm in my usual playful behaviour. So I don't have to be ashamed of my feelings for no one would take it seriously. It's pretty much like the boy who kried wolf. It's a blessing, and in the same time, a kurse as well. I kan no longer express my emotions as what they truly are, not in a funny way. And I long to use those feelings again. To reveal them in their true forms. But I'm suppressing them, keeping them inside, and that gives me pain, and I love pain. I miss no person, but the feelings itself.

Preview : Orientashit

Allow me to tell you about my orientation week. The bloody hell of a week. It was held in UiTM Jengka, for it is the main branch in Pahang. I stayed there for a week, in a room of four. Other than me, the three other guys are all law students. But of kourse that never bothered me. What did bother me were the programmes and schedules. All the talks and speeches- damn it. Just imagine, we had to get up as early as 4.30 in the morning, awakened by the shouts and the bams on the door by those OCs. And we also had to sit on the fucking komfortable floor for hours, kracking our butts and kramming our legs. Okay, maybe I am a whiny fucking krybaby but it was really torturing. Not to mention, every single day there was spent in formal attire; slack trousers, long=sleeved shirt and necktie, from early morning to late night. We were also not allowed to go back to our room, making our time at room only around 4 hours per day. Sleepless, restless days. Luckily, the foundation students got a one-week break after the five-day orientation. It was a blessing.

And oh, there was also a talk about "Memperkasakan Jati Diri Anak Bangsa" from a fucking patriot who is goddamn proud about his race. Fuck you. All and all, the orientation week was a success in torturing the students.