Eating Disorder

BULIMIA NERVOSA. An eating disorder which the sufferer, bulimic, has a weird eating habit. According to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV TR) published by the American Psychiatric Association, some of the criterias for diagnosing a bulimic are;
- eating in a large amount of food out of control, and followed by self-induced vomiting to prevent weight gain.
- may occur once in a few months, or in some serious cases, after every meal, on a daily basis.
- a purging type bulimic self-induce vomiting, usually by triggering the gag reflex to rapidly remove the food before it can be digested.
- a non-purging type bulimic (approximately 6% - 8% of cases) exercise or fast excessively after a large meal to offset the caloric intake after eating.
- the onset of bulimia nervosa is often during adolescence (13 - 20) and many cases have previously suffered obesity, with many sufferers relapsing in adulthood into episodic binging and purging even after initially successful treatment and remission.
- can be difficult to detect, compared to anorexia nervosa, because many bulimics tend to be of average weight, or slightly above or below average weight.
- often occurs on female, high school or university students.

EFFECTS
- Chronic gastric reflux after eating
- Dehydration and hypokalemia caused by frequent vomiting
- Electrolyte imbalance, which can lead to cardiac arrythmia, cardiac arrest, and even death
- Esophagitis (inflammation of esophagus)
- Oral trauma, in which repetitive insertion of fingers or other objects causes lacerations to the lining of mouth and throat
- Gastroparesis (delayed emptying)
- Constipation
- Enlarged glands in neck, under the jaw line
- Peptic ulcers
- Calluses or scars on the back of hands due to repeated trauma from incisors
- Constant weight fluctuations
The frequent contact between teeth and gastric acid, in particular, may cause;
- Severe caries
- Perimolysis (erosion of tooth enamel)
- Swollen salivary glands
- also has negative effect on dental health, due to the acid passed through the mouth from frequent vomiting causing acid erosion, mainly on the posterior dental surface.

(Edited from "Bulimia nervosa, Wikipedia")

ENCHAINED MOUTHS

I no longer dream of that happy yet annoying dream anymore. At least for a few nights. And exam has begun today, like usual, I'm lack of preparation. Always. But yeah, got to work a little harder this time. Like they've been saying, jokingly, "We're going to face SPM this year. We must work harder." Yea right. And I think I have a new campaign now, as I'd had for every exam I'd sat. ENCHAINED MOUTHS. It's something about my inner sounds that have been kept shut while I'm in public, like, school. Well, it's kind of blur, but I'll synchronize it well with my mind. It's actually an anagram of THE SOUND MACHINE. Ha. I love anagrams.

Criminal Minds

"Reasons are not automatic. Those who deny it, cannot be conquered by it."
-Aye Rand

I got this from an episode of Criminal Minds series. I didn't really get the meaning at first, then I tried to think about it for a few times. And I had figured it out in the toilet. Mbahaha.. nah..
Reasons for something we do are not acceptable by everyone. They just can't understand, or accept our reasons when they don't really even understand what we do. For me, I may have my own explanation for myself of what I've been doing as myself, but I just can't expect people to take it like I do. I do what I do, whether they know exactly about it or not. Okay, again, this explanation is based from my perspective and just especially for myself and myself alone.

Through the Streets.

I've always loved Thursdays as I find that day 'shady and a little dark' from the blinding bright schooldays. Weekend's eve. But the Thursday of last week, it was dark, but this time, evilish dark. That was the day I got caught by the Grim reaper-like teacher. And my short hair, at that time, was not short enough, according to him and his ridiculous school rules. Fucked. The last thing I knew, my head was almost hairless and I had to bear the naughty voices and hummiliations, okay, they didn't hummiliate me actually, but I just felt too embarassed. I then slowly tried to accept my poor condition now. But last Wednesday night, this week, I had dreamt about my hair growing back to its normal length and style. I got up, feeling a bit sad for it was just a dream. The next night, guess what, the same kind of dream. But this time, wow, it had grown longer - longer than I had ever imagined mine would be. It was rather a little like female's, and just a ridiculous fantasy resulting from too much thinking about that, but still, I'd been flattered. I woke up and smiled; what a nice sleep to have that dream. And holy, last night, the third consecutive night, the ever same dream. It was a little longer than this hairless state, but just enough to make me happy. But yeah, IT WAS JUST A DREAM. I know I'm being fooled by Morpheus, as he did to me last year's midterm break.

Just this evening, I went out as usual to get into traffic jams with my old engine. Then, at a busy T-junction, there was a car, a white Honda CRV from the same flow with me, stopping to turn right. I'd known it wanted to turn right, and there were cars on the next lane coming toward me. I was on the middle of the lanes and I thought I would get through them but hell, the CRV moved to turn and DANG! it got me on my left side. I was lucky enough I didn't get knocked over and lay on the road. But the left pedal platform was crooked badly I couldn't change gear, and I'm sure that poor car got some scraches on its right wing. (Sorry!) I went to a workshop to fix the crooked part and fortunately, that old junk had no other serious injury. Neither had I. BUT MY LEFT SANDAL HAD TORN. Shit. That's the only damage I regret. I was being ignorant to the danger and I deserved the consequence. And I just have to be a little more careful after this for death is always around. But never will I stop doing that after that little accident.

Finding Myself

I've always fantasized I got something special in me. Sure, everyone has their own uniqueness, special feature, whether they know it or not. But for me, other than this twisted head, I have nothing much left. Okay, maybe I say this because I have low self-esteem. Truly, I do lack of it.

Bitterness.

There are no such things like good memories. Only good pasts, that turn bitter as time slips through my weak and useless hand, like sand, unstoppable. That's how I describe MEMORIES.

Speed Phantom II

You can defeat your strongest enemies either by luck, or by strength. But you know you have defeated them by strength, when they never had room for their own bad luck.

DENIAL BY PRIDE, CONTRADICTION BY POWER.

The Invisible Hands

The gap between the posts is growing. Way to go, dude! It's just I don't have much to write, or time to spend here. Well, I have it now. I'm on my leave, as the school is having a cleaning campaign, today. I have no reason to go to school, when I can use that 'cleaning' excuse to stay away from there. And so I checked my Bookface geek-fest thing just now and went to look at this profile of a friend of my sister. I've known long before that she can draw perfectly well, and the lot of drawings in her profile make me feel awfully envy her ability. She got a great way of thinking and expressing herself, and ... Ugh. I don't want to write more. Her great skills make my stomach feel sick. I envy ones who draw, play music, and think differently from others.

Paper Ship.

School has been running for almost two weeks now. And it goes smooth now. I'd finished some homework they'd given and I'd started to feel a determination to finish them. That can be the beginning of this 'study year', I guess. Well, I kind of like the new lineup of teachers teaching us this year. That's good; I don't want to hate any of them, not that I had hated them obviously in the past years. And today we had a motivation/orientation session with the counsellors and they along with some teachers had sort of burned my inner fuel of a new determination to change. To change to a better environment of learning process, better motivated to make good results out of the exams. I'm a paper ship under a burning bridge. I want to pass underthrough it; I don't want to get burnt for it.

Eth Eskorts

Everytime I discover a good band, a band that plays sound that gets into my ears, I try to look for more of them, hoping that I'll like their works. I find more about them, and I declare I like them. That's why I keep changing my music interest, not changing actually; adding bands to it. And just recently I've found out about The Strokes, which is on hiatus, and each of the members goes for their own way. Jules sings Electronic Synthpop solo now, Hammond makes good songs with other few musicians I don't know about, Nick as backing vocal in Fab's sideband, Little Joy while Nikolai with his, Nickel Eye. Yea, that makes another few new stuffs for me to discover. Shit. When will they get back together and make new Strokes songs? I'm missing.

New Moon

Fuhh.. it's all settled now. Caesahar's call woke me from my deep slumber. We got to school for the registration. At first, the kids said that the teachers wouldn't let anyone with long hair register. Fuck. Okay, maybe mine was long. But it seemed like their hair were short enough, but the ridiculous teachers still hadn't let them pass. After blah blah blah, I decided to stop wasting time and try my luck. They seemed deliberate at first, but I promised for a good haircut right after settling the payment. So she let me and I went straight to the barbershop. And so my hair got cut. I hadn't cared if it was going to be bad, but yeah, it's kind of nice. My head feel light and the short hair doesn't look so hideous, though. Glad that I could accept it better than I'd expected. The end.

New Year's Resolutions.

Ah. Just got home from Dungun. We'd gone there yesterday for Ki's (Grampa) tahlil, but they'd cancelled it as Granny got hospitalized for some sickness. And I bought a snowcap with Guevara's graphic on it, since I'd been wearing the old one again these days. Well, I'm a bit tired now and since I can't get up late anymore tomorrow-I have to settle my school registration and get a haircut-I have to get enough sleep tonight. Not that I'd be such a wheenie to sleep early. School'll be started again. Can't stay up late, can't get up late, can't watch day's Korean drama(aired at 12.30 p.m.,), can't blah blah blah. And yet not to forget, I still haven't touched anything of that Physics work. Damn it to hell. Farewell, holiday. May us be damned for school's sake.

---

When it comes to celebrating a new year, it seems like there's a culture in it. Everyone wishes everyone for their happiness, wealth, health and other goodness to come in the new year. They also recall what they have done in last year; some regret, while some are pleased of any goodness or achievement they've made. And yea, resolutions for new year. To change themselves to a better person, or to make their lives better. And here are my resolutions for 2010.
1. To regret nothing of what I've done in this year.
2. To endure the hardships-if there's any-of being an SPM candidate.
3. To wait patiently for the school year to end.
4. To survive all the big exams safe and sound.
5. To find clues and answers of what I'll become in my near future.
6. And to be happy when all this ends.