I've gone through the veil, to the outside of Ramadhan. It's been good. Yeah. I celebrated the firat day of Raya at Dungun. There was nothing much to do. People kame and went to Granny's house; relatives, mostly. But there's a relative that I'd always go hiding myself in the kitchen nervously when she kame. Every time. Not to mention the embarassment I had to bear from being teased about her by those aunts. But I tried to kalm myself; trying to stay kool whenever she was around, bekause I don't always have the chance to see her, and I shouldn't waste it when there was one.
And she happened to have the same kondition too sometimes, her mother told; red eyes, sneezing- just like I do. Aha. The day was good.
Sekond Raya. We were just at home, getting people's visits. I went to the cemetery that evening to visit the late Emperor's father and recite him Yassin. As usual, graveyard was peaceful. I also visited my other home after that; the beach. Didn't even get on the sand, though; just eating krab balls on motorcykle, bekause it was quite dark and I didn't want to be rushing back in rain.
Third Raya, we got a kall from Kemaman early in the morning - around 4 - when everyone was asleep. It was a bad news; my other grandmother, Mom's mom, was dying in hospital. She'd been hospitalised sonce midnight bekause of some breathing problem, I'm not sure. We rushed back and went straight to the hospital. Everyone was there- aunts and unkles and kousins from Mom's side- waiting for their turn to see Granny. It was only at 8 A.M. that I got to go up to see her. She was no longer konscious at that moment. She was breathing hardly, gasping for oxygen, supported by machine. Patches on her eyes, oxygen hose in her mouth, wires at her hands. It was an unbearable sight. I kissed her hand before I left her, and that was the last time I saw her alive. She died at 12.25 P.M.; I was at home, sleeping to ease my eyes. Then I went to help the funeral at my aunt's house, and then to the graveyard. It was good; she got all her children and the numerous grandchildren to help her to get there. Nothing else I pray but for Him to forgive all her sins, to ease her suffer, and to bless her soul. And may us, her family, get back together again.
When it happens on someone in our family, it feels real. Death feels real. Not just in the films, not just in the papers. But in the same time, it's hard to grasp the fakt that she's gone.
And those who live, shall die.In remembrance of HASNAH HAMIDOktober 29, 1937 - September 12, 2010
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