Be My Guest

I guessed my first guess bekause you said bye earlier and, to me, it sounded like you were offended when I told you to have a nice life. Not that I know why you should be, though.

A desperate girl? No, I wouldn't say so but I wonder, are you indikating that you are a stalker, by saying that?

And no, love kannot be kounted. Nor kan it be valued. Even if it kould, I would never know how to.

And llove? Kekeke. You sure know how to joke, Guest. At least, I find it funny.

p/s : My definition of "love interest" before is not quite right. Just this moment, I've decided that I prefer the one from Urban Diktionary.
The person in whom one spends a disproportionate amount of time thinking about. The L word is kontextual only.
So, akkording to that definition, my love interests are not only those whom I've developed a relationship with, but any person in whom I've spent more time thinking about than anything else. So, I would now have had more than just two love interests; the two with whom I've developed a relationship with - not simultaneously, of kourse. But they're all of the past, though I'm not going to forget them - it's about the my-mind-is-not-a-komputer-disk again. Kan't just erase the data, you know. And I've let out all this rubbish just bekause to make things klear, I guess.
I guess.

Data : permanently stored

Though heart might have changed; mind didn't. Memory didn't. What was there is still there. What kame in will never get out. Unless my brain were a komputer, and the disk goes korrupted, only then will you disappear.

Hux, Play, Slash

I read about Clive Wearing yesterday. A man with no memory, a result from a very rare virus attacking his brain parts which kaused him to be unable to store any new memory. And every moment for him is like waking up from birth for the first time, every time.

"I haven't heard anything, seen anything, smelled anything, felt anything, touched anything. How long?"

"It's like being dead."

But there's one thing that's intriguing me; how does it feel to have no memory? To lose all the konnektions to the past? To never know what has been there, and what hasn't? Fortunately, for Wearing, I guess, that he didn't lose the emotion he had towards his wife. He knew that he was married, and he in some way still rekognised her. I think that's good enough, for him to still have the woman he loved. But when it komes to memory, for me, whether to lose it or to have it stuck in mind, it's still bitter. And the bitterness digs a gaping hole from the inside. Bekause everything is lost and what left is the present.

9 Nyawa

Hari ni dia datang lagi. Masuk-masuk rumah terus masuk ke bilik mak aku. Walaupun raya, tapi perbuatan dia tu mungkin telah menyebabkan mak aku marah, lalu segera mencari penyapu lidi. Jadi, sebelum wanita yang melahirkan aku itu sempat menyakitinya, aku cepat-cepat mendukungnya mengangkatnya keluar. Walaupun begitu, mak aku sempat juga memukul kepalanya dengan penyapu lidi tu, lantas aku pun- "Hey!" -terjerkah mak aku. Aku tahu itu berdosa, tapi ibu, tunjukkanlah sedikit belas kasihan terhadap dia. Aku terus membawanya keluar. Aku cuba bermanja-manja dengannya; aku belai belakang badan dia lembut, tengkorak kepalanya aku usap. Badan dia gelap, tapi bukan hitam. Coklat gelap, aku agak. Namun mata dia memang cantik. Terang. Anak matanya ada warna perak, aku rasa. Dan dia kelihatannya semakin manja; berguling-guling. Rasanya dia sudah semakin rapat dengan aku. Aku agak dia lapar, sama macam hari tu. Lalu aku suruh adik aku bawakan sedikit makanan; keropok keping. Aku nak bagi dia makan. Keropok itu aku gunakan untuk mengumpan dia ke luar, sedikit jauh dari rumah dan keluargaku. Aku tak nak mereka mengganggu peluang aku untuk bersama dengan dia. Sampai di seberang jalan, di atas rumput, aku letak keropok itu. Dia terus makan. Berselera sekali aku tengok dia menikmati makanan tu. Aku tahu, aku mula jatuh sayang padanya, walaupun baru dua kali bertemu. Cuma, walaupun perasaan sayang tu wujud, tapi aku ada masalah dengan komitmen. Dan mak aku memang takkan benarkan aku membelanya. Lagipun, aku kena balik ke kampus. Aku bukannya tinggal di rumah. Hmmm.

Sedang dia makan, ada satu lagi yang datang mendekati. Yang baru datang ni, walaupun aku tak pernah tengok, tapi aku kenal, sebab dia ada pakai rantai loceng. Aku cam bunyi loceng tu. Dia berwarna putih susu, dengan sedikit calit coklat gelap pada telinga dan mulutnya. Kaki belakangnya yang belah kanan patah, diheret lesu. Aku tertanya-tanya, kalau ada yang bertanggungjawab memakaikannya rantai loceng itu, di mana mereka sekarang? Adakah mereka telah mengabaikannya? Dia cuma tengok buah hati baru aku itu makan. Dan buah hati aku itu pula mendengus memberi amaran, agar jangan cuba mencuri makanannya. Mereka hampir bergaduh, namun aku cuba mententeramkan mereka. Namun melihatkan kaki yang baru tiba itu patah, aku jadi kasihan. Dan aku tahu, aku tidak pandai menguruskan perasaan belas kasihan aku, lalu aku pergi meninggalkan mereka berdua di situ, sedikit kesal kerana tidak memberikan makanan kepada yang satu lagi.

Namanya, aku masih lagi tidak tahu. Aku tak pernah tanya, dan dia pun tak pernah beritahu.