The Kursed Koin

I realize there are so many wrong things about me. In me. I sin most probably everyday; aware of it or not. One of them, the biggest problem I have, is my lust. Dirty lust. It's hard to restrain my wild, impure imaginations from wandering to the dark side every time I see females; yeah, that's why, I see them everyday. And I usually gain konsciousness almost instantly soon after the realization of the sin of it and I struggle to direkt my thoughts to something else in order to vanish the dirt. And once in a while, whenever there's a chance - being alone -, I'd do something that I refer to as 'playing at neighbour's backyard'; pornography. I've been enjoying that while bearing the guilty feeling for it. The guilt resists but apparently, it's always not strong enough. Another major wrong thing in me is my ridikulously fucking pride. I always think that I'm better than anyone else - why, oh why - and that often makes me see only their weaknesses and immoralities; looking down on them. That is simply sick. It's disgusting myself to have that kind of thought. And to battle this, I keep telling myself that I need to forget what good or great things I've done, if there's any, and that the people, everyone of them, are good in their own way. Better than me, for sure.
I need to change, for God's sake. And I think I'd start with resisting my lust, by avoiding temptations. And I hope and pray that this time, it's for good. I don't want this effort to be wasted away, like what that happened on the ones before.
I want to be better in my faith as much as I want my mind to develop.